Finding You
by AnabelCatherine
Summary: Burtonverse. Julia's adjustments to her new lifestyle and following her heart. Rated T just cuz. First DarkShadows fanfic. Barnabas/Julia.
1. Chapter 1 Open Eyes

"Don't kill me," she breathed. "You're a good man, a gentleman! Please!"

_Poor, helpless Dr. Hoffman_ thought Barnabas as he sank his fangs into her neck. True to his flaunt, he drained her in less than five seconds.

As he stalked off, he didn't realize the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest.

Dr. Julia Hoffman was a vampire. Of that much, she was absolutely certain. As she struggled against the binds that kept her down in the bottom of the ocean, she couldn't help but think of the man that put her there.

_Barnabas, Barnabas. Why me? Of all the hearts you could have broken and lives you could have stolen it just _had_ to be mine. Well, I don't take very kindly to this. You'll see, my love,_ she thought as she shook off the last of her restraints. She kicked her way to the surface, anticipating the confrontation.

As she surfaced, Julia noticed two figures at the base of Widows Hill. She silently swam closer so that she could observe more carefully, more cautiously. She peeked around the edge of a tall rock and choked back a sob as she realized who, in fact, it was… And what they were doing.

Barnabas Collins—_her_ Barnabas Collins—And Victoria Winters were kissing.

A N; Sorry it's short. Just getting ideas out there (:


	2. Chapter 2 With Him

Chapter 2

Barnabas pulled back from his love and simply smiled down at her. He swore he saw a flash of orange in the corner of his eye, but when he looked up, it had disappeared. _Guilty conscience_ he thought.

He regretted killing Dr. Hoffman. Really, he did. But, could anyone really blame him? She had stolen his blood to make herself into this… hideous creature. He would _not_ see _anyone_ suffer as he did. And even as he thought this, he looked down at the woman smiling up at him. _Well, except her._

Barnabas moved to stand up, grasping _Josette_'s hand and pulling her along with him. "Come, my love."

"But, Barnabas, where will we go?" Josette asked.

"Home is wherever family is. We will go find Elizabeth and the children and figure out what to do—together," was Barnabas's immediate reply.

Behind the rock, through her haze of self pity, Julia couldn't help but question why they would not just return to Collinwood manor. She then wondered of what all had happened since her "death". Sticking to the shadows, she began to follow Barnabas and Vicky.

Upon arriving at what was left of Collinwood, Julia could barely contain her highly audible gasp of shock. Ruined. The home she had come to love these past three years was utterly destroyed. She sobbed softly into the palm of her hand when all of a sudden she felt a presence behind her.

"I knew I saw you," he said. "At the cliffs. How?"

"If you must know, my little experiment worked, obviously," Julia said whirling around. "Barnabas. Why?" she asked.

"You betrayed this family, and you betrayed me. Why should I not have killed you?"he asked.

"Because I love you, Barnabas… I only hoped that becoming like you would make you see that we are perfect together," she explained, stepping closer. The underbrush tickling her bare feet.

With her chest against his and her palm resting over his heart, she said, "Do you remember our little discussion about Doctor/Patient confidentiality?"

"Um… Y-Yes. Quite well, Doctor. However, I cannot allow you to remain here. You deserve to suffer for what you have done to—"

"Oh, can it, Barnabas! You steal blood and kill every day. The only thing I ever did wrong was love you. Now, I'm forced to watch you and your little mistress for all of eternity. And there's nothing I can do about it," she exclaimed, her voice breaking on that last word.

Without any other sounds, she turned. And then she ran. Away from Collinwood. Away from her "family". Away from the only man she ever really loved. Away from Barnabas.


	3. Chapter 3 Return

Chapter 3

Barnabas slowly returned to where his family was. His reasoning for disappearing involved a lost button on his jacket and it being most important to find. He found it alright—On his jacket.

His conversation with Julia had been brief, yet utterly unnerving. He knew she had liked him… Why else would she have so willingly explained the whole "Doctor/Patient Confidentiality" thing?

But love… He never saw that coming. He read it in her eyes that she was not lying. But he was courting Victoria. And his heart did not belong to Dr. Hoffman. Did it?

* * *

Julia ran until she couldn't breathe anymore. She had run all the way to the outer edges of Collinsport, and still could not shake her own words from her mind. _Why did I confess that? I have always been so much smarter than that_ she stated as she internally chastised herself. Finally being able to breathe again, Julia wandered back down to the city.

She didn't make it far, however. A lowly drunkard had crossed her path. Bloodlust consumed her almost immediately. Within 8 seconds, the large, drunk man lay dead at her feet. Her poor dress covered in blood. She then realized that her entire wardrobe must have been destroyed. Adding yet another thing to her list of things to worry about.

With a heavy heart, she trudged her way to town. Stopping at a hotel where she checked in and went up to the room, after hypnotizing the clerk. Crawling across her bed, she flopped down and closed her eyes to what, hopefully, would be a peaceful sleep.

* * *

"We're staying in a _hotel_? Elizabeth, please tell me you're joking," Barnabas said.

"Not in the slightest. The children have their own room, I have mind, Vicky has hers, and you have yours. Unfortunately, they're quite scattered. You're on the eighth floor, I'm on the seventh with the kids and Vicky is on the fifth," Elizabeth replied.

Barnabas growled lightly. However, he grasped Vicky's hand and they all began their decent to the town. Away from the only place that had ever been home.

Upon getting settled in, Barnabas kissed Vicky goodnight and bade her farewell until… nightfall. He climbed the stairs to his room and just as he approached the door, the room across from him opened to reveal a very haggard looking Julia.

"I don't have a reflection," she stated plainly. "How the hell am I supposed to A. Know how I look and B. get this God-forsaken blood out."

Barnabas grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. "Shut up," he hissed in her ear. "You're being so loud."

Once in the room, Julia began to pace… A full fledged panic attack about to take place. She noticed a mini fridge in the corner of his room and grabbed out a bottle of wine and started to open it before Barnabas said, "Alcohol is going to be quite different now that you're like me." Julia's eyes widened and tears hung dangerously in her eyes. Threatening to spill over at any time.

Barnabas stepped closer to her and wiped her eyes. He understood. Adjustment is so hard at first. He knew the confusion, the hormones, everything. But, he knew how strong she was. She could handle it.

"Julia, I know we had a discussion about Doctor/Patient confidentiality once before. I was curious as to how, exactly, I could thank you for explaining it to me," Barnabas said, grabbing her chin.

Julia stood there, open-mouthed, for several minutes before she said, "I know exactly how you can thank me."

**The end. Hahaha. Only kidding. (: R/R!**


	4. Chapter 4 Don't You Lovett?

Chapter 4

"_Julia, I know we had a discussion about Doctor/Patient confidentiality once before. I was curious as to how, exactly, I could thank you for explaining it to me," Barnabas said, grabbing her chin._

_Julia stood there, open-mouthed, for several minutes before she said, "I know exactly how you can thank me."_

She rose up on her feet, while pulling him down, until their lips met in a fiery passion. She didn't understand her brash actions, and he, for once, didn't question them. The two vampires were acting solely on impulse.

Hand tangling in her orange hair, Barnabas's other had slid down her body until it reached her butt, at which point she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist. Barnabas's tongue lightly trailed along the edge of her bottom lip, silently begging for entrance.

Mouth opening for him, Julia realized that there was nothing she wouldn't do for that man… that vampire. She whimpered slightly when Barnabas's mouth left her own, but moaned quietly as his lips trailed down her neck. However, the quiet moan became all the more audible as he sucked on that one sensitive spot under her ear.

At her moan, Barnabas literally dropped her and backed away against a wall, horrified with himself for his brazen actions.

"Wh—What the hell?" Julia gasped.

"Out," Barnabas said quietly.

"NO!" Julia exclaimed. "You don't get to say you want to repay me for my services and then _kick me out_."

"I believe, Dr Hoffman, that that is exactly what I just did," Barnabas said, unable to entirely hide the quiver in his voice.

"Barnabas, love me. Please. I know you feel _something_ for me! Or else you wouldn't have kissed back like that!" Julia explained.

"Dr. Hoffman, you're absolutely right. I _do_ feel something for you," Barnabas said, finally facing her.

"I knew it," Julia said, a smile spreading across her face.

"It's called _lust_, my pet. That is absolutely all that _this_ is. I don't love you, no matter how much you beg," he said, defiantly. Internally, however, he was thinking _Why am I lying to her?._

He watched, stricken, as her face fell and eyes filled with tears. She started to walk, shamefully towards the door, but not before adding, "You and I, we could have a life together. Maybe not how you remembered, and maybe not how I imagined. But we could get by." And then she quickly walked out the door, not pausing to say anything more.


	5. Chapter 5 Solution

A.N. Hehehe. Like my Sweeney Todd reference in ch. 4? :3 Here's chapter 5!

Tears streaming down her face, Julia ran. Again. She ran towards the beaches. And, then she killed. She didn't even remember it. Driven by bloodlust and pain, she murdered four men. She threw the bodies over the edge up at Widow's Hill.

And no one even knew. Julia was slowly going insane. She felt it. And she hated it. She wanted to hate Barnabas for making her feel this way. But… She couldn't. The love she felt for that man prevented her from hating him. And she hated that.

So, she concocted a plan.

* * *

Barnabas was lost and confused. He had _lied_ to Julia. He loved Victoria… Josette. But, he knew he felt something for Julia also. He knew it every time he thought about her and he got that tight feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had to make this right. But he had absolutely no idea how.

He had to find her. And talk to her. Before she did something she would regret.

* * *

After her murdering spree, an exhausted Julia trudged her way, regrettably, back to the hotel. She unlocked her door and ripped her clothes off, anxious to shower. She allowed the steam to settle over her body, relaxing her muscles. She washed her hair and watched as the blood rolled down her stomach and thighs and pooled in the bottom of the tub.

After her shower, Julia stepped out of the shower and wrapped herself up in a towel and stepped into the room. On the bed, she noticed, was a bag that had not been there before. She opened the bag, and found a note. It read;

_Didn't think you had clothes to change into. Got these for you. Hope that they're to your liking. Need to talk with you soon, Dr. Hoffman. Until then,  
B._

"HA!" she exclaimed. She was touched that he had brought her clothes, and realized that, in fact, she had none. She pulled out a night dress and slipped it on and crawled into bed. She dreamt of him that night. Shocking, no?

At about 9 am, however, she awoke with a gasp. And she burst into tears. She realized what had to be done. Throwing on a black flowing skirt and a tight corset-like top, Julia ran from the hotel, sticking to the shadows. Then she ran through the dark forest that led to Widow's Hill.

"I can't live without him, I can't be happy. I know he'll never love me, and I know I'll always yearn for him. This… This is the only way I can be free of him. I can do this."

And she stepped into the direct sunlight.

**AHAAAAAA. Cliff hanger. (: R/R!**


	6. Chapter 6

She could feel it burning the instant she stepped out from the dark shadows. She felt the sting and the heat and the burn. She started laughing.

Julia had reached her breaking point. She was burning, approaching death, and she was laughing hysterically. But she kept walking. By this point, she had reached the top of Widow's Hill, in full sunlight. She felt death, and she embraced it.

"I love you, Barnabas," she whispered as she closed her eyes.

"NO!" she heard from behind her.

All of a sudden, she was cloaked in darkness and being dragged back to the forest. Wrapped in Barnabas' one and only cape, Julia fought him every step of the way.

Reaching the edge of the forest, Barnabas leaned against the tree and pulled Julia between his legs and cradled her to his chest. She fought him, at first, hard. Then she realized how futile her efforts were and she knew that no matter what, he wouldn't let go. So, she sobbed.

Long and hard, she sobbed into his neck. At some point, he had pulled her up into his lap and had his long arms wrapped tightly around her trembling form, one hand stroking the top part of her head, the other one rubbing soothing circles on her thighs.

"I'm sorry, Barnabas. I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" she mumbled into his neck.

"Hush, love. I'm right here," he said pressing a kiss to the side of her head.

Julia's sobs eventually subsided to hiccups, and she started to fall asleep. He would carry her back to hotel later, he decided. With Julia wrapped entirely around him, and himself touching her as much as possible, offering as much comfort as he could, he realized, with a start, that he didn't want anything more than what he had right now.

That was how Vicky found them. She saw him kiss her forehead and, for once, she didn't hate a man for leaving her for another woman. Because, he wasn't cheating on her, physically. He probably didn't even realize how much he obviously loved her. And she loved him. So much. But, she had to make sure he was happy. So, she silently walked over to him and kissed his cheek, softly.

His eyes fluttered open and he saw his beloved standing over him. He then realized his situation, and started to stammer out an explanation. But, she stopped him.

"Be happy, my love," she said. "I only want for you to be happy. And I know you're happy with her. I understand. Let her love you, Barnabas. She did give up everything for you."

"But… Victoria…" he began.

"I know you love me. But, you love her just a little more. And I'm okay with that," she stated.

"Really?" Barnabas asked.

"Really," Vicky said with a smile. She leaned down and kissed him one last time before walking away.

Barnabas sat there dumbfounded for a second before a smile slowly spread across his face. He looked down at the beautiful woman in his arms and kissed her. She, half asleep, lazily responded. It didn't take Julia long to respond with fervored affection.

Barnabas pulled away slowly. He cupped Julia's cheek and leaned his forehead against hers. With a jolt of realization, he knew everything would be okay.

******a/n or will it? mwahaha. nope, probably not. (: r/r**

**sidenote. this was the last chapter. i might write a sequel. depends. (: for now, i have begun writing a Sweenett fic that will be posted in the near future. Much love!**

**anabelcatherine.3**


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